American Humor

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 04:18:00 +0000

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?

Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?

Son: No.

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 04:16:00 +0000

Romance Mathematics

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Mon, 09 Oct 2006 06:31:00 +0000

Well, get me my sleeping pills from the bathroom.

Why don't you take them before you go to bed? It's almost time to get up.

Oh, hurry up and get them before I fall asleep.

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Mon, 09 Oct 2006 06:25:00 +0000

The devil challenged God to a baseball game.

"How can you win, Satan?" asked God. "All the famous ballplayers are up here."

"How can I lose?" answered Satan. "All the umpires are down here."

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Sun, 08 Oct 2006 07:45:00 +0000

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?

Dam!

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Sun, 08 Oct 2006 06:41:00 +0000

A doctor told a patient, "You are very sick."

The patient said, "Can I get a second opinion?"

The doctor said, "Yes, you are very ugly too ..."

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Sun, 08 Oct 2006 03:48:00 +0000

Did you hear about the teerrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?

The terrorist threatenened to release one lwyer every hour if his demands weren't met.

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Sat, 07 Oct 2006 00:10:00 +0000

What did the water say to the boat?

Nothing, it just waved.

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Fri, 06 Oct 2006 04:40:00 +0000

So I said to the gym instructor, "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Thu, 05 Oct 2006 05:48:00 +0000

Why did the tomato turn red?

It saw the salad dressing!

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 01:13:00 +0000

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 00:44:00 +0000

What game do elephants like to play the most?

Squash.

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 13:41:00 +0000

What do prisoners use to call each other?

Cellphones.

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 08:03:00 +0000

Why did the boy bury the flashlight?

Because the batteries were dead.

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Sat, 30 Sep 2006 05:37:00 +0000

My friend said he knew a man a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him, "What was the name of his other leg?"

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Fri, 29 Sep 2006 01:54:00 +0000

What is the difference between a schoolteacher and a train?

The teacher says,"Spit your gum out", and the train says, "Chew,chew, chew".

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Thu, 28 Sep 2006 12:31:00 +0000

If a man was born in Italy, moved to America, then died in Canada, what would he be?

Dead!

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Thu, 28 Sep 2006 00:14:00 +0000

Why does it take longer to build a snowman than a snow woman?

Because it takes so long to hollow out the man's head.

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 13:21:00 +0000

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.
The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 01:00:00 +0000

Why do witches fly on brooms?

Because vacuums are too heavy.

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Tue, 26 Sep 2006 14:56:00 +0000

Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

He wanted cold hard cash!

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Tue, 26 Sep 2006 00:12:00 +0000

What is the difference between a vampire amd a lawyer?

One is a soulless, bloodsucking monster, and other can turn into a bat.

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 14:35:00 +0000

Where do snowmen keep their money?

In snowbanks.

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 13:49:00 +0000

How many letters are there in English alphabet?

Eighteen letters! Three in "the", seven in "English", and eight in "alphabet".

noreply@blogger.com (denjinm) — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 00:12:00 +0000

Which month has 28 days?

All of them!