My friend said he knew a man a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him, "What was the name of his other leg?"

What is the difference between a schoolteacher and a train?

The teacher says,"Spit your gum out", and the train says, "Chew,chew, chew".

If a man was born in Italy, moved to America, then died in Canada, what would he be?

Dead!

Why does it take longer to build a snowman than a snow woman?

Because it takes so long to hollow out the man's head.

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.
The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

Why do witches fly on brooms?

Because vacuums are too heavy.

Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

He wanted cold hard cash!

What is the difference between a vampire amd a lawyer?

One is a soulless, bloodsucking monster, and other can turn into a bat.

Where do snowmen keep their money?

In snowbanks.

How many letters are there in English alphabet?

Eighteen letters! Three in "the", seven in "English", and eight in "alphabet".

Which month has 28 days?

All of them!

A ham sandwich walks into a bar. The bartnder looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."

What dog keeps the best time?

A watchdog.

What building has the most stories?

The library.

A person who speaks two languages is bilingual.
A person who speaks tree languages is trilingual.
A person who speaks four or more languages is multilingual.
What is a person who speaks one language?

An American.

What is worse than finding a worm in an apple?

Finding half a worm.

Did you hear about the guy that loast his left arm and leg in a car crash?

He's all right now.

A:I was born in California.
B:Which part?
A:All of me.

What starts with P, ends with E, and has millions of letters?

The post office.

A student said to the teacher, "Would you panish me for something I didn't do?"
The teacher said,"Of course not."
The student said,"Good, because I didn't do my homework."